Its So Hard!!

Well things just never go how I want them to. I get all excited bout something n it falls through. I start to like someone n ahh they turn out to be a ass like most guys are these days. Everyone is just out for themselves. They honestly don't care about anyone Else's feelings. I'm just so tired of being crushed. I just wanna meet one guy who isn't like all the rest. Who is really a good person, sweet n caring n who wont hurt me. I guess I just have to be really careful who I meet n spend my time with. I'm tired of being used n I'm not letting it happen anymore. I was finally starting to feel better with life n about myself n then I let some guys get to me. Screw that shit, I'm so over it. I'm the only one who can make myself happy so that's what I gotta do.

This Guy....

Well I have been talking to this guy these past few weeks and ahhh hes so sweet. Ahhh he is so fine, hummmmm...makes me think bad things lol jk..Nah i really enjoy talking to him. I get so happy when he gets online so we can talk or when he sends me a text. He tells me I'm beautiful n sweet..me sweet, he don't know me yet haha jk. Nah I try to be nice..He just really makes me smile like crazy..I went to bed last night n woke up smiling cause of him..I know that I don't really know him very well but I do hope I get to meet him soon. I don't know what will happen between us but I do know I at least made me a new friend. And he seems like he would be a fun person to hang out with even though he might get bored with me though..lol..maybe my charm will just work lol..I so wish he was closer to me though but hes bout 45 minutes away from me so that sucks. Ahhh Adam, what a sweetheart..Hope hes really that sweet in person, which I think he is..but maybe I'll find out soon..But yeah..I have been asked out by alot of people n all that stuff but he is the only one that really sticks out. Not many people right now I care to get to know cause i don't trust to many people, I'm tired of always getting hurt. Maybe he will be one guy that wont try to hurt me in any way. I'm just glad that God sent me someone that makes me smile at least.

Update On My Life...

Well things have been going alright here lately.I have had a few bumps along the way like having to have my radiator fixed, that sucked but that's how life goes right. I am blessed that I had the money to do it. I finally got a check for child support from Rodney...whooo hooo. That made my day cause I really needed it. God always helps me when I need it. I am very blessed..Tk u God for always being there when I need you...Ahh I finally got my stuff turned in to do the DNA test for Blake, I should be getting a appt. soon for that...I'll be glad to get that done n prove to everyone that she is his baby. Not like he will care but it will make me feel better.He is the one missing out cause shes so precious. He is a idiot..I am finally feeling better bout life. I may not have someone but that's ok, I'm actually happy.I realized I can be happy without a guy. I am finally just taking time n spending it with my kids n myself. I'm free to do whatever I want without some guy telling me what I should be doing n bringing me down. Amazingly I have more confidence in myself. I have been dressing alot better n not caring what people think. They don't like me then oh well don't pay attention to me then. I'm not out to plz them just myself. I am just trying to be thankful for what I do have in life. I know I may not have much but I do have something that I worked my butt off for. At least I'm able to give my kids something. That's all that matters.

All the same

So yeah one of my friends that I have known for like 15 yrs comes back from Oregon..We have been talkin for the last 3 yrs that when he comes back this way he is going to come see me so he did the first day he was back. That kinda made me feel special. He says that he really likes me n has for a long time. Well I found myself starting to like him but now im changing my mind. He already lied bout why he moved back here, was cause he was on really bad drugs there n had to get away. But yet he was in a relationship with someone for 3 yrs n has a new 4 month old baby girl.She wouldnt come with him n his sonn I know he wants to be back with her but he is tellin me he dont, its all lies. I read one of his emails that said he couldnt wait to get back to her. I honestly think that he is just using me hoping to get some booty or something hell IDK..He acts so secretive bout everything, I mean hell if he cant trust me now then whats the point. I felt like at first that maybe he came around for a reason but now I think its just so we can be friends n be there for each other n nothing else. It just sucks that when I think I have found someone that might be different just a little bit they turn out to be just like the rest and this time I know I am not going to let myself get hurt.

Tired Of Them All

Ahhhh I swear I'm so sick of Blake n his family. No one from his family even cares about this precious baby. They act like she doesn't even exist. It ticks me off. I was going to get a DNA test done to prove he is the father but not now. Its such a waist of time. I don't even want any of them apart of her life cause if they act this way now, all they will do is hurt her n confuse her. And I'm not going to let that happen. It just breaks my heart that they don't want to be apart of their first granddaughters life. She looks so much like Blake it isn't funny. There is no way to deny he is the father. I guess pretty much he is just the sperm donor, he isn't no father at all. His mom tells me I need to leave Blake alone lol..Funny!! I don't bother that pos at all. I put one note on his door being nice n he came over here starting crap n his gf came over threatening me but im the one bothering them lol.He is the one who moved right across the street from me with some stupid bitch. would be alot better if he moved somewhere else not so close to me. Ahh i am just sick of it. I guess Makenzie will just have to grow up not knowing her father n his family. Shes probably better off that way anyways.