Tired of Everything!!

Just Tired of Everything!I just honestly dont know how to feel anymore. Im so confused and hurt. I try to stay positive n not let things get to me but damn its been so hard here lately. I have had to deal with so much shit that I really dont know how much more I can honestly take anymore. Im just fed up. Im tired of all the bs n I just want things in my life to be better n be happy. For the first time in my life since I was 16 I have been alone without a bf for almost 7 months now n most the time i am fine. But sometimes its really hard bein alone n not havin that special someone there to hold u n talk to you when u really need someone, when u just wanna be held n feel like everything will be alright. But I have no one. Honestly no one really wants me, they just want a piece of ass n Im just tired of bein used n im not gonna be anymore. I would rather be alone for the rest of of my life than put up with some guys bs n just be used n treated like shit. Im so over all that crap. My heart is still broken n i know I am not ready for a relationship yet though. I dont really trust anyone with my heart anymore, its been hurt so damn much. I am really tryin to take time for myself for once in my life n trying to heal myself before i jump into anything again. Im scared as hell to be hurt again n yes I know u have to take chances n not let the fear get to you but its so hard. Ahhh I just wanna cry so bad but I cant. I just wanna scream so bad but I cant do that either. Will i ever feel whole again or will I always just feel broken??. There is so much i wanna do for myself n for my kids but its so hard.. I wanna show my kids that i am a strong person n be a good mother to them, but sometimes I break down n they see it n I feel bad. They have been through so much cause alot of mistakes that I have made in my life n i dont want them bein hurt anymore either. Ahhhhh...anyways...I saw Blake today n talked to him in person n ahh i have to say this bout him..He LOOKED like SHIT..haha..Why was I ever attracted to that POS. Who knows!!! But yeah..Even though i am over Blake he still finds a way to hurt me n Im sick of it. Its really not the part bout him n Hannah n how he claims he so happy n they r so great together, I could care less bout that bs. Its the fact that he can be right next to his daughter n see how beautiful she is n you can tell he could really care less to see her at all. I said isnt she beautiful n he dont say shit I mean WTF..How can he be so fuckin heartless?? I dont get it. Shes such a precious baby n he dont even care. His first daughter n he dont care. It just tears me up inside to think bout how much he really dont care bout her. How can u make a baby n not want to be apart of her life. I know she dont deserve any of that crap, shes better off not knowing him or his family but it still bothers me n hurts me. Cause one day when shes old enough shes gonna be askin ??s n wondering why her father wasnt around n why didnt he care bout her enough...Ahh i dont have a answer to that. I ask myself that ?? evryday. Now hes saying that they are movin out of this state to get away ahhh that makes me mad cause hes running away n its not fair. If he really thinks that movin away is gonna make his life better he is stupid. He cant run away from takin care of his kids n if he tries he will get caught n trown in jail n if that happens i will laugh my head off cause he will deserve it. It would be nice if they moved away from me at least..i really dont see him movin out of state, hes an idiot. He will have his day..cause Karma is a bitch n he will feel the pain that he has put on others.