Depression Sucks!

Awww life can be so hard sometimes. I love the holidays but i hate all the stress that comes along with it. The worry of tryin to make sure the bills are paid n trying to come up with money to get my kids some christmas. Its so hard. Doing all this alone is really hard n it gets old sometimes. Being alone for the holidays this yr is gonna be really hard. I am not use to being alone, i mean i have my kids that I am thankful for but not having that someone to spend time with is hard. I just really want my kids to have a good christmas n so far its not looking to good. I havent gotten them the first thing cause i have no money to do it. If their dad would pay me the cs he owes i might could but that pos hasnt yet n its really pissin me off. Its not right for him to be that mean n do them that way. Its not fair that they have to do without cause hes so damn selfish n only cares bout his own needs n not them. Ahhh I swear I cant believe the losers that I have picked in my life. I just wish i could find the right one to make me happy. i have been talkin to this one guy for a few months now and I really do like him alot. We get along great, we have some things in common, he makes me smile like crazy n laugh alot till my face hurts. Ahh I think bout him all day, always on my mind,..but I still havent gotten to meet him yet n thats drivin me crazy. He says he really wants to meet me but sometimes I wonder ya know. Everytime we plan to meet something always comes up n Im starting to wonder if maybe thats a sign or something. I dont wanna feel like im waisting my time cause I care alot about him n I could see something bein there between us, who knows. I just dont know anymore, im really confused. I just dont wanna wait forever to meet someone that I really like n just wanna be close to n get to know better. Like right now he is going through so much crap n is really down n I just wish i could be there to hold him in my arms, just to show him that i do care n i am there for him no matter what. N even if something great dont happen between us like I wish I am still thankful that God has put him in my life n that at least i made a friend. I am scared of lettin another guy back into my heart but I am willing to take a chance cause I know I cannot sit here waiting forever for that great guy just cause i am to afraid of gettin hurt by someone. I wanna take chances n if it dont work out then well thats another chapter in my book that Ill get through. I just know that I really do like Adam n I am willing to take a chance on him cause I think he is worth it. I think he is just as lost n messed up as i am lol n maybe were good for each other and can help each other out. who knows...I just wish he lived closer cause then it would be easier..But anyways....I just hope some things work out for me cause im tired of worrying bout so much crap. I just wanna be happy for once in my life.