Ahhh Guys!!

I tell you what my ex Blake makes me soo mad. He comes over here today starting his crap with me. He hasn't come to see his daughter in almost 3 weeks cause he says he was mad at me n didn't wanna see my face. So childish. If he wanted to see his child bad enough he wouldn't care. He looks at his baby n still says she don't look like him, that shes not his n you can clearly tell how much she looks like him. It ticks me off. ARRR!! I just wanna slap him. He loves getting to me. Like he says hes getting married after dating that witch after 3 months, how stupid. She will see one day how he really is. He cant act perfect for to long no matter how it is between them. I just wish they would hurry up and move so I don't have to see their faces anymore. A part of me wants him in Makenzies life but then I just don't even want him around cause all he is going to do is hurt her. He only cares bout his self. He don't want the responsibility of being a father, its to much for him.Ahh I'm just sick of his crap.

One of those days

Ahh I am just having one of those days ya know. I woke up this morning wanting to just cry and I was sad n depressed. I had a bad dream bout someone I cant stand. It was about him having an accident and he died. Yeah I cant stand him but I don't want him dead and the thought of him dieing the way he did in my dream is upsetting. I mean I wouldn't care if I ever saw his face again cause he is a POS but I don't want him dead. It just really upset me thinking bout it. I guess I just really have alot going on right now. I'm depressed and all I really wanna do is cry right now but whats the use, it wont do me any good. I just feel so alone most the time. It seems like everything is getting to me. I feel like I'm a burden to everyone when it comes to watching my kids. It feels like they cant stand my kids and don't wanna watch them n it upsets me. No my kids aren't perfect , who's is, but they are pretty good kids most the time. I just cant stand how certain people make me feel when it comes to watching them. They don't understand it either it makes them feel unloved. Why is some of the other kids can get more attention n all the BS but its like they aren't good enough. I mean I know what that's like feeling left out n not feeling important, I don't want my kids feeling that way too. They see things and are alot smarter than they look. Anyways, Idk I just have alot on my mind bout so much crap. I just wanna move sometimes just to be away from everyone but what good would that do, I would feel more alone then. Everything is just so hard right now. Being out of work to have the baby has put me behind n not having enough money for crap sucks. And my love life sucks cause I'm so alone n I Had someone that was giving me attention till he found someone else. Wow that made me feel special. Yeah he was to young but that's besides the point, being noticed was nice. I know its best for me right now not to have someone Else's crap to deal with but its lonely too though. Someones I just wish I had someone to hold me.But yeah I guess it could be worse but still I just want it to get better for once. I'm tired of the bad n stuff breaks im getting. I just wanna be happy for once.

Guys

I swear Im starting to think that most guys are the same.That all they do is care bout themselves.Im so sick of guys crap. I have been crapped on so much and im sick of it. Guys can be so selfish.They take advantage of woman who give their all to them, who do everything to make them happy but yet its never good enough.They always expect more. I really am tired of having a broken heart by losers. I always fall for guys for the wrong reasons.When im lonely n broken I feel like I need someone and Im finally realizing that I dont need anyone to make me happy.Sure I am very lonley right now n I wish I had someone in my life but Its not worth it right now. I still cant stop hurting over someone who dont deserve crap. He is a pos.He hurt me so bad n still does and it makes me so freakin angry.I wish I could just slap him n tell him how I feel so bad but I cant. We have a precious baby girl together n he lives a minute from us and he cant even come see his child. He acts like she doesnt even exist. He spends all his time stuck up his gf's butt n spending time with her son but he wont even spend time with his daughter n get to know her, to just love on her. She needs that love from her father too. I dont want her growing up without a dad in her life but it looks like its going to be that way. I dont want him hurting her n confusing her. She deserves better than that.I just wish they would move so I dont have to see them anymore.I cant stand them bein so close to me. Im just so angry right now. I wish that I could just find me a good decent man who loves me n my kids n who will work hard n be good to us. I hope that happens one day, i know for now I just need to work on myself. I gotta loose some weight n get healed completely n get myself straight. Just take time for myself for once n have some fun in my life cause that im not use to having. I have been gettin hit on by some people so that makes me feel good.I just have to watch myself.

Bout Me

Well my name is Misty..I am almost 31 yrs old, I now have 3 kids that are all girls. I pretty much just take care of kids n work n not much of anything else. I have a really boring life. Dont get me wrong, I love my kids n I wouldnt trade them for anything in the world.But I dont get much of a break n it kinda wears ya down sometimes.Being a mom of 3 is hard. Its alot of work. I dont see how people can have more than that, gotta have more patience than I do.I guess with how stressful my life has been that makes it harder. Maybe one day it will get better. I really try my hardest right now just to try to give my kids something and be a good mom to them. But its so hard cause I dont make enough money for anything n they have to do without so much. I dont get any help from their dads really so that hurts.I cant stand men who help make a baby but cannot help take care of them. Its not fair for the child to suffer cause they are selfish pieces of crap.My dad was around some when I was younger but that all changed and now he acts like he dont give a crap bout his kids or grandkids.It hurt me for so many yrs that I didnt have a dad around like I needed. I guess thats why I have become so needy when it comes to the guys I chose. I have certain memories that I remember growing up with my dad around but I dont really remember much. I pretty much blocked out alot from when I was younger. But I realize now that I dont need him cause I have my mother there and my step dad and thats enough for me. Carl is pretty much my dad. When I was younger,I use to be such a shy girl, which dont get me wrong I still can be that way but I was pretty bad. I wouldnt talk to anyone, always kept to myself. Always to scared to do anything or what people might think. I use to get made fun of so much when I was young. It was hard growing up. Alot went on around the house that I wish I didnt have to see.I know it was hard for mom takin care of 4 kids by herself. Ahh And I complain bout 3 lol. I am very thankful that I have my mom in my life, I couldnt make it a day without her,shes my best friend.I am thankful for everything she does for me n my kids. And Im also thankful for my sisters for always bein there. specially Crystal, they have to listen to me complain n cry all the time, and Im just glad they are there to listen cause If I had no one to talk to n just had myself to complain to ahh that would drive me crazy for real. Im crazy enough as it is lol. When I was younger I pictured my life so different from how it is now. I never thought that at 30 I would be a single mom with 3 kids doing all the work by myself. I really hoped for more out of my life. Sometimes I wish I was younger again to go back n change so many things, but dont we all wish that. But I believe that no matter how mistakes we have made in our lives and the things we regret doing, it makes us who we are today and everything happens for a reason even if we dont understand why it happens the way it does. It teaches us to learn from our mistakes and to do better in life and hopefully make ourselves better persons. Course some people you just cant change no matter how bad they are.I have done alot of things in my life that I regret and wish I wouldnt have, but I know now not to make those same mistakes again. I did alot of it cause I felt lonely and needed attention no matter how I got it. Heck I was married for 13 yrs and I screwed that up in a way that I shouldnt have. Which I knew it was over before things happened the way they did but still no excuse for how it happened on both our parts.I think I got married to young and married for the wrong reasons and it just ended badly cause we were both to unhappy with our life n ourselves.I am thankful that I got 2 beautiful girls out of that relationship anyways.That I will never regret. My 3rd child wasnt planned, we werent married n wasnt dating long enough to be thinking bout kids but it happened anyways. I think God sent me her for a reason. SHes a blessing. I may be takin care of her alone but I dont care, its worth it. Just seein her precious face everyday makes it worth it. It just hurts me how he lives not a minute away and he cant even be apart of her life. It burns me up. How can you see such a precious baby u made and not want to bond with her n let her get to know you.But as I look at it its his loss. I am thankful that Rodney gets the girls when he should at least, wish I could say the same for Blake.